Friday, July 10, 2015

A RANDOM CONVERSATION- EXPERIMENT

'I am so depressed today'.
'Would you like to talk about it?'
It's like i don't even know where to begin. I've kind of had the blues throughout, right from childhood'.
'Have you thought about consulting a psychiatrist?'
'Honey i've been on prodep for months. It's just that i don't talk about it. It's sort of like making something disappear by negating it. To use the mind as a duster to wipe out those inchoate hieroglyphs'
'It must be difficult. I'm sorry to witness your suffering'.
'Are you sorry to see me suffer or because you are a witness to it?'
'Well i can't stand negativity. It eats me up from the inside. I don't acknowledge it. Like you i blot it out.
'So your empathy is self directed , given that you are voicing a misgiving about your own complexity. Do i mirror your own depression, i wonder.'
'I've consciously tried to perk myself up, choose a course of action that lifts me out of it'
'I don't even pretend that there is anything positive. The world is fucked up. We are teetering over the precipice. And frankly if the world ends i'd be delighted to depart knowing i figured it all out beforehand.'
'But if you know the problem then why not work at solving it?
'The problem is not a problem. It is what it is, a glaring fact, the life that squirms and wriggles within the microscope. And those tapeworms of life's shit we refuse to see roiling within are also in our stomachs, incubating, proliferating, sucking life away, eating up our innards'
'That is a morbid view'
'The only way to exist is to persist in knowing that we are here to subsist only if we insist that beneath the skin is the proverbial cyst , with a bunched up fist, which negates delusions drift by creating that rift and then there is a reality shift which makes of our hubris short shrift'.
'That's a lot of words'
'Well we need a language to describe this shit, right.I am sick of the register of emptiness, nothingness. I mean these are not states of consciousness that depart from daily being but are a part of it, are, in fact, it. It gets into our veins bit by bit, swelling and distending them. And then we need to slash those veins to let out blood. We need to evacuate the emptiness that fills us up. When nothingness goes in and comes out it leaves behind nothing. And we are nothing'.
'I need to go now, yoga class imminent'
'All right honey twist and turn away doing them convoluted calisthenics. If it helps you keep the blues away i'm happy for you. As for me i've gone blue in the face articulating the blueness of this blue. Enjoy your class'
'Bye for now'.

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