Friday, April 10, 2015

THE VAGARIES OF AN UNVARYING PHONE CALL

I call him up. I am in a state of expectancy. The phone rings and rings. I tap my foot impatiently. He might either be busy or sleeping. So i put the phone down though suffused with a need to talk and fractious because i cannot.
I call him half an hour later. Surely he would have woken up by now. It is late morning. My mind seethes with impatience as the ring drones interminably. I leave him an sms saying that when he is free he should call me back.
One hour and yet no call. I am certain he has read the message. I am angry with him and upset with myself for being angry with him. I can feel inadequacy insinuating itself. I am also worried that there might be something wrong. So i leave a message saying that hopefully he is okay.
Two hours later i call him again. My mind pleads and expostulates with the protracted ring, petitioning fate that i hope he picks up the phone and talks to me. I have left behind messages that have presumably been ignored. I tried to formulate an understanding for his putative indifference while simultaneously bristling with frustration at his lack of reciprocity.
I go on facebook and message him. I copy paste my message and send it to him as an email. Something strikes me as a tad bit unsympathetic so i log on to facebook again and send another mollifying message. Then i send another propitiating mail. By this time i am going crazy. I have abandoned rationality.
This goes on for a few days and still unremitting silence. I am past caring now. I think i'm going mad. This incompleteness is killing me within. I am alternately angry, fearful, resentful and self preserving. All the urgency,accelerated through his unresponsiveness has vanished now. All i want is to be left alone. I log off facebook and gmail and switch off my mobile phone. Let him who gave me pain suffer now. I will give him a taste of his own medicine.
Half an hour later my mobile , facebook and gmail are on. Still but still, nothing from him.

No comments:

Post a Comment