Thursday, April 2, 2015

CALLING UP

I call him. We talk for a bit. I don't manage to say exactly what i want but i say something. At any rate conversational gambits intersect. I sense his impatience though he never says anything. I guess i'm boring. I call off.
I call him again to alleviate an urge i can't control. I need to speak to him, hear his voice. It doesn't help that we have already spoken. I feel this need.We talk, yet again, desultorily.
I call him. He doesn't respond. I think he sees my number on his mobile phone and silently withdraws. I feel an unutterable anxiety. I alternate between guilt and anger. It is not a pleasant mixture.
I call him again. This time he picks up his phone. I am relieved that he doesn't deem me ignorable. This time i inject into the conversation titbits of interest and solicitous queries so as to disarm him. I think i manage well.
I call him a few times. He gives me a missed call. I am thrilled that he wants to talk to me as the missed call suggests. It could be pure formality but nonetheless the gesture counts, hinting at a responsiveness that relieves me.
I pick up the phone to call him but resist. I need a few days time to think through before this importunate calling becomes obsessive. So till late night i manage to stick to my resolve. Five minutes before midnight he calls me up.

No comments:

Post a Comment