It is perhaps a very contemporaneous sensibility or perhaps i am anomalous but i find that memories , overladen by repression, often become inaccessible. Something is keenly felt, an emotional disturbance is experienced but the memory that , with its constellations of associations, makes this piquant is unfathomed. Memory is nebulous. It evades circumscription. Memory is disembodied, entombed in various constituent smaller memories which swirl and conglomerate chaotically. In its structure the mind is like a kaleidoscope. It is a collage of intersecting but variegated blueprints. These blueprints are also experiences that, with hibernation, have transformed themselves into the form memory holds them in. When a memory is recalled the form,the thin casing and integument, reassembles itself with the context in which the memory is remembered. The form memories are enclosed in are a combination of reflection and revivification.
Both are immanent.
Both are immanent.
It is my experience that memories resist force. The more intractably the mind is exercised to recall the more indistinct the memory becomes. Rumination is usually inimical to memory, contemplation is allied to it. Yet rumination often extricates from the mind memories that are putatively disconnected. In that, the memory whose reactivation is being sought through willed deliberation and the memory which actually emerges have, on the surface, no connection. But memories are concatenations. They are intertwined with each other. Because experience, in totality, is not linear or chronological. It is a meandering stream with its own doubling back, repetition, cadence, byways and labyrinths. Experience is a sum total that is inconceivable without its component parts. And each component part is a whorl indenting experience with its incontrovertible luminosity.
Memories are not always associational. Memories are part of the here and now too. The smell of arabica coffee, suffuses the nostrils, infiltrates neuronal cells and wraps up one's head in its deliciously astringent olfactoriness. In that moment the smell encompasses consciousness. And it is this submersion in immediate tactile experience that sparks off the associations. The associations that are precipitated are both causal and atemporal. It is the sensation that recreates experience than experience being underpinned by sensation. It is uncertain, when smelling a flower, or sniffing at a scent, to ascertain exactly what will be initiated as a cavalcade of associations. What dapples and incandesces memory is its unbidden quality, its indeterminacy. We are caught by surprise because that we believed we'd forgotten returns with poignant immediacy.