Saturday, July 12, 2014


Today is my first date. A formal event, enshrining months of tremulous on -off intersections. I woke up in the morning with a pleasurable anticipation. My mind, blotted into oblivion by sleep, took time to gather together and apprehend the cause of my happiness. My mind groped, cast here and there and finally chanced upon, with the willed deliberation of incontrovertible memory, the reason for my jubilation. And it was inescapably, inveterately my first date.

I had met him at a pub where nursing a diet coke, i was ,with desultory aimlessness, looking at the gyrating bodies under the strobe lights. The neon flashed and splashed faces with lurid, spangled light and in he came, from the discotheque, to have a vodka. Our propinquity ,at that point in time, was nebulous, punctuated by interspersed formal colloquies where the solicitation was more significant than the answer sought. It embalmed our interchange as tenuous, but a tenuousness possessed of durability, authentication.

We exchanged numbers and i recall, with uncontainable ecstasy how my fingers trembled when i dialed his number. Our association was too transitory, my sense of morality too irreproachable to permit a precipitous commingling. But despite the protracted avowals and immediate importunate denials there was indubitably a spark and i wanted to extricate this subterranean emotion of all its repressed furtiveness and bring what it so assiduously camouflaged out into the open. I wanted all withholdings cleft, all unforthcoming ness divested .

So i took a long, leisurely shower. I soaped, shampooed, every crevice, every pore of my integument. I wanted to drown myself in intoxicating odorousness and dispel all remnants of lassitude the night may have inveigled on my physiognomy. I doused myself with perfume. Possibility, unlimited opportunity emanated  from every pore of me. I was alive to the limitless potentialities the occasion would occasion. I wanted to surrender, surrender years of uncertainty and self abnegation to a seductive, fulfilling and stimulating encounter that would not only set my senses but my entire consciousness aflame.

He does not yet know the substratum of my desire for cleaving. Today is the day and today is the day i am coming out to him. 

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