Monday, June 2, 2014

MIRRORS

I take to gazing at the mirror. Mirrors fascinate me. But ,unlike occasions in the past, when the reduplication of my own countenance, revealed through the mediation of the image, enthralled me, the present yields only a simulacrum of that primal pleasure. Through the intercession of the impassive reflector i endeavored to apprehend the depths of my being, that primordial synthesis which the process of becoming severed me from.

Why, you may ask can merely seeing myself reflected precipitate such self awareness and perhaps there is immanent in consciousness, a tendency towards reflection which reflects on its reflection . And being introspective and desirous for answers that are nebulous but not, i hope, unfathomable, i proceed to unearth, from the psychic constituents the mirror reveals, my own being.

Narcissus was enraptured with what he saw in the pool. I ,on the contrary, feel inadequate, though given my propensity towards excoriation, such inadequacy may itself be a propulsion towards an inverse self love. Why, for instance, does my assiduous exegesis yield more questions than answers when the mirror confounds self understanding by compounding the amorphousness of the knowable, the plausible. Looking into a mirror is perpetual regression, an endlessly receding chinese box where what is yielded reveals not what is discovered but what is forthcoming ad infinitum.

I wish to surmount the ascendancy of the mirror. By negating the mirror i want to negate its sovereignty. But to negate the mirror i must negate myself, render myself unmoved, unaffected by its insidious machinations which are, in reality, a residuum of my own conscious circumlocution. To transcend the mirror implies a transcendence of self, of the sheer physicalness of being and it attendant abasements and egotisms. It implies a state of consciousness that negates negation itself because it is the dialectic between negation and the thing it negates that is the fulcrum of the mirror. The mirror is self contained, inviolable. I could smash it and slit my vein with its jagged shard. I could turn away, refusing to ever look back. But an inner restlessness has been inveigled, an inner tumult activated and now i find, much to my surprise, that the mirror is within me. 

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