Wednesday, May 28, 2014


When i look back on the pivotal moments in my life i find it difficult to think of an event that precipitated me into self awareness or crystallized my nebulous thought processes. Causality implies a certain ratiocination and reason, i find, has limited things to offer as answers. By no means do i undermine rationality because it can yield capacious insights but only that much. Call it a leap of faith or a suspension of disbelief there are areas that confound reason though faith has, as a certain coordinate , an unbelief for it to become faith. I find unmitigated belief, without the imprimatur of the deductive, rather apocryphal and i like to believe that the questing spirit, imperceptibly, questions unconsciously though an outward seemliness may belie it.

In any case the moments in my life that i find polemical are moments of thought, of rumination. In that stillness of mind, that freedom from the here and now, certain areas of experience come unbidden, unsought. When these amorphous realms enter consciousness i spend many a pleasurable hour cogitating, deliberating, teasing out nuances. At times i'd wonder at my perspicuity only to realize that others had also, through a similar mechanism, had the same thoughts, felt the same things. The terror of self discovery, with its attendant jubilation would coexist with the deliverance from self importance such revelations would engender.

But where, i wondered, do these phenomena reside? Did they choose me or did i dovetail with them, through a certain readiness in my own mind and being. The possibility of there being higher knowledge buttresses but the realization of the inward journey to immanence to make these imminences conspicuous is redoubtable. There is a part of us, which at different times have been assigned different names, that is unfathomable but there. And these small epiphanies which come our way are intimations, visitations of that larger unknowable. Is it collective because certainly the knowledge it betokens is transmissible to all of us but then not everyone can tune into or access it. A certain state of consciousness must be the accompaniment for such insights to occur or perhaps a indentation left by  experience to enable the corresponding knowing .

There is a void, a blankness where things roil and churn. Composed of their own knowledge, self contained, they inhabit a completeness that is both inviolable and communicable. It is not a closed circle but a nothingness that is an entirety, a cosmic conglomeration of wholeness, with each stipple , each brushstroke cleaved to the mosaic. From such a void, which i call metaphysics, we emerge, with the gift of this completeness indwelling before the caprices and exigencies of daily living distance us from this incandescence. And in my thoughts, which are my events in life, i partake of, momentarily, this large pulsating reservoir and find, in daily living, by such acts of metaphysical transcendence, a new mode of being and becoming.

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