Tuesday, May 20, 2014


When the opalescent dusk gathers shape around me, a shapeless indistinctness i often think about the precipitous moments that brought me here. Clearly some remnants of those memories manifest physiologically while others, tremulous, uncertain waver and snuff out because  so painful were they that repression was ineluctable and the amorphous misshapen lump of my existence, as i perceive it now, seemed not a conglomeration of memories but a becoming i have extricated from the cavalcade of imponderables that constitute my existence. In a way, the structure of becoming is a shaft refracting variegation but the form is unaltered.

Indeterminately though the telos of memory itself discomfits me immeasurably, signifying an obsession with the past i find distasteful. When i recollect the eldritch fusillade of happiness n unbidden memory uncovers i feel rather left out. But i have always sealed off any intimations from my past that are disagreeable, expunging, from my consciousness any slivers of disquiet that would unsettle the precarious equilibrium i have established.

But my aforementioned ruminations disclose to me how tenuous my edifice is, how uncertain the scaffolding i've buoyed myself with is. It seems as though i am circumventing the exigencies of my own memories inundating me with their unnerving significations by cogitating, rather philosophically, on the nature of memory. A dissociation between the contingent and the universal is bringing forth a precipitate convergence so that the eventfulness of my own life simultaneously buttresses and discomfits.

Memory is really negation, a negation of the quotidian. But memory irradiates the quotidian too. Memory, like a wave, draws out, retracts and leaves behind sediments that forever transform the architectonic of our consciousness. Memory is the canopy under which experience apprehends its constituents and resolves the putatively irresolvable. Memory is the reconciliation between cognition and consciousness. Memory juts out, through the unconscious, pulsations of causalities and with each subsequent remembrance a transmogrification of aegis occurs. Memory metamorphoses an unmindful , insentient, unreflecting being into a thoughtful one. Memory is the price we pay for possessing the ability to traverse temporality.

So if the incontrovertibility of memory renders unavoidable the process of recollection and deliberation then i choose to submerge into the inevitable. But it is always good to understand the phenomena underlying the coordinates incandescing it. Now in a way hitherto inadmissible before, i feel ready to move on. 

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