Thursday, January 30, 2014


Even though royalty constitutes me i balk at the blandishments of aristocracy. I think it is because i am anomalous. I seem to like and love romantically people of my own gender. Undoubtedly such an incongruous choice would incite contempt but i see nothing in it to be ashamed of. My father is largely and unexpectedly supportive and that buoys me up, the knowledge of it mitigating the harshness and recalcitrance i would otherwise have to confront

So when i heard about this young man who wanted to face fear and get the shivers i was excited at the possibility. Some instinct, hitherto unguessed at told me, in a very primal way what it was that i would have to do. I anticipated with insatiable curiosity and corporeality the presence of this young man on whom by inducing the shivers i would precipitate an actualizing of my own shivers. It was like a mirror image reflecting itself to itself but imbued with a profundity and depth.

Well he's come and i've taken him to my room. I can instantly predict that what constitutes him is lack of knowledge, a lack he has consciously repressed. With awareness comes attendant fear. Fear needn't be terror, it can be thrilling to, infusing every pore in the body with ripples of unexpected pleasure.

For the first two days our interchanges were wordless. It wasn't an uncommunicative lack of wordiness but i believe that silence and quietude can give access to forms of knowing that loquacity and garrulousness disallow. He, in response to my, self contained, ejaculated intermittent interjections of surprise. I had taken on the accoutrements of a mirror and reflected him back to himself. The mirror doesn't lie but the imposition of subjective aegis can lead to dissembling. But he, in a state of unknowingness found the mirror throwing up significations and mnemonics he couldn't resist. The tabula rasa of his consciousness was filling up, spilling over yet he lacked a language to articulate with exactitude what it was that he had learned.

On the third day i undressed him and myself. I was seeking to incite bodily engorgement to make palpably realizable the knowledge he had gathered. His liquid eyes glowed with a lustrousness i found irresistible. Every aperture, every crevice of his soul was irradiating while his fulcrum was tumescent. In that fulcrum lay both the prick and the heart. When sufficiently aroused he turned me over. He was shivering uncontrollably with passion, energy and his integument sloughed off beads of sweat like rain drops. We kissed.

I had finally induced the shivers and knew with certainty that the accompaniment of other fears, both of terror and of transcendence would be a part of his lot. My task is done. 

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