Saturday, October 19, 2013

THE BELL JAR AT THE ICU

The tenebrous neon refracts pinpoints of light
The lids blotting out the light momentarily
Outside the gloaming of encroaching darkness
Mirrors the nothingness within.
I, retroactively posthumous, gaze in communion
With myself post my botched self annihilation
While 'The bell jar' lies splayed open
At the page where Esther takes an overdose

Esther is the mirror which reflects faithfully
The distorted facsimile of my being
In its interstices, its blurrings and blottings
Remnants of self possession are snuffed out
Conversely i reflect, through Esther's reflection
The emptiness at the heart of things
The rapacious ingestion of self destruction
Entices irresistibly, with intimations of death

I gulp down the pages like moodstabilisers which
Touch the tip and dissolve as the protracted
Consumption of water alleviates ineffectually
The bitter taste of restitution.
Now that i've survived i need to read on
And wrest from plath a modicum of the life
Which i, having importunately abrogated
Now try to worm back into.

METAMORPHOSES OF MEMORY

Recollections stud fancy with fact
Imbuing remembrance with tact
While memory abrades the self same fact
Leaving only the recollection intact.

Iridescent specks of consciousness dissolve
Streaking thinking with being
Yet mind would rather not be seeing
Of being and becoming, just resolve.

Luminous is the love which, recumbent
Which Makes it on loving, incumbent
The gaze of the other as one's own
And the coalescing of thoughts grown.

Might not such an inward gaze
Yield pleasurable self communion
Could not the possibility of disunion
Become, instead, a traversable maze

Negating the other could calamitously involve
Denying a verisimilitude of self
On the negator would devolve
Abrogation of self itself.

Though needing an other to validate
architectonics of identity
Would, of necessity, repudiate
Reality of diffusity

Memory, henceforward conjoins,
From collectivity purloins, the
Factuality of being as a self made choice
In which a become self would rejoice.