Wednesday, July 31, 2013

BLUEPRINTS

A man conducts his daily life in a state of emptiness. Suicide dogs him like a shadow. The despair, always at the forefront subsumes his conscious life. He awaits his own death sentence, calmly, patiently, then he acts.

A woman gets into a relationship with an older man to gain a new dimension of experience. Soon she realizes that the relationship is obliterating traces of her own sense of her experience. As she gets neck deep into the relationship she abrogates her subjectivity.

A man is desperate to have his existential book published. He would love to communicate to the external world the kernel of nothingness he has fathomed. Yet publisher after publisher rejects him. In a frenzy he destroys his novel and begins, henceforth, to live.

A woman leads two parallel lives. In one she cooks, bakes, feeds her children, looks after the husband. In another she plots the lineaments of a novel about domestic drudgery. The two strands don't intersect because if they were to come together she'd kill herself.

A man is swamped in dismay. All the paths he sought to circumvent nothingness have failed him. Psychotherapy has failed him. He has fantasies of simultaneously seducing and throttling his therapist. Death and life intermesh fortuitously and in their inconclusiveness lies the secret of his continuance. If love were to triumph he would die in his quest for the ideal and if death were triumphant he would die because the ideal is unideal. So he hangs precariously.

A woman has just lost her child yet her consciousness has failed to register this fact. She croons, sings lullabies to an absent baby, the flattened mound of her stomach completely forgotten. The illusion is her reality and this reality her experience. Since her psyche believes and brings into being this reality she has turned her gaze away from 'reality'. When 'reality' forces its way in she will symbolically relinquish her reality. She hopes she can still live on.

A woman dreams blueprints, possibilities that may happen. Yet the moment the blueprint is at its most insistent the experience it reflects recedes away from her. She begins to lead a somnambulant life. Reality and dream become indistinguishable and she reconfigures reality to correspond to her dreams or molds her dream to match reality. She is a waking sleeping beauty.

A man tries to apprehend reality. However his conscious search leads him into labyrinths of unknowingness. He looks for a fulcrum, a base on which to construct an existential superstructure. Chaos supervenes as his self awareness leads to a knowledge of the unreality of reality. With this new knowledge he could either extinguish or flourish. He chooses to flourish and becomes a dictator.

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